Therapeutic Journalling

What is Therapeutic Journalling?

Firstly, journalling is writing down what you’ve been doping and what has been going on in your life.

This can be done in a variety of styles, such as content and detail driven -

“I went to meet a friend in a cafe after not seeing them since last year. It took half and hour to get there. It took a bit of time to get the conversation going and then we chatted for a few hours.”

Or more feeling, emotionally driven -

“I went to meet a friend in a cafe. On the way I felt excited and nervous about meeting my friend. I hadn’t seen them in so long. It felt awkward at first but after a while we managed to reconnect and it felt easy to talk and then the time seemed to fly by and before I knew it a few hours had passed."

Therapeutic Journalling focuses more on the feelings and emotions of our experiences. This gives us a space where we can express ourselves fully with out any judgement, other than our own, and if you notice this write about it too. When writing your journal really focus on your feelings and on the emotions you experienced. This may be difficult at first, especially if you aren’t used to it as it can take time to develop our emotional vocabulary. Once you get better at this try to be even more precise about what you were feeling. If you were feeling happy, what kind of happy?  Was it joyous, exuberant, thrilled, delighted, euphoric, and/or glad, contented, relaxed. If you were feeling sad, what kind of sad?

This can be help in a number of ways. It is a space where we can express and have an outlet. It encourages us to give words to our feelings helping us to reflect upon what is really going on for us. It also helps us organise and understand our feelings, helping us gain self awareness and develop our emotional intelligence. Giving language to our feelings can help us grasp, process and communicate them.

Therapeutic journalling can be done at anytime. It is also a useful accompaniment to counselling as it can help continue the focus and processing between sessions and help us find areas and subjects we may want totally about in the sessions.

If you’d like to know more about how counselling can help your journalling journey please get in touch

Book Review - Why We Sleep by Matthew Walker

In his 2017 bestseller “Why We Sleep” Mathew Walker takes us through “The New Science of Sleep and Dreams”

Broken into four parts, Walker takes us through what’s happening as we sleep, NREM (non-rapid eye movement) and REM sleep, how this aids in memory formation and problem solving. How are body clock and circadian rhythm influence our selling patterns and how this changes over our life time.

Walker then goes on to explain the benefits of sleep and perhaps more shockingly the detrimental effects of not getting enough sleep. Walker links lack of quality sleep to dementia, cancer and heart disease. In showing the links between sleep and brain development Walker highlights sleep’ influence on mental health concerns such as depression, anxiety and schizophrenia.

Next up are dreams and dreaming, with Walker stating “Freud was 50% right and 100% wrong”.

Walker seems to be more aligned with Carl Jung’s theory of dreams as self therapy (though he doesn’t state this in the book) with a chapter titled “Dreaming as Overnight Therapy”. Walker goes on to explain dreams therapeutic, social, creative and problems solving benefits.

The last part of the book tackles the extreme detrimental effects of lack of sleep, death. How we got here as a species and a society to chronically undervaluing sleep, what could should and what is being done to address this.

Interestingly from a counselling perspective are the insights into depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, PTSD and psychosis. Varyingly influence by sleep, development and dreaming.

Walker backs this all up with a plethora of studies conducted by himself and many others. He is good at admitting when the studies are inconclusive, only showing correlation or where the direction of influence may be unclear i.e. is it depression influence sleep issues or is it sleep issues influencing depression. Walker is also clear when it is is own theories rather than the results of studies he is sharing.

Considering the studies heavy nature of the book Mathew Walker manages to make it a compelling and engaging read. I was left feeling this is an important book and one that will hopefully influence not only individuals but also corporations and governments to prioritise sleep, something the Walker himself is trying to do. It has certainly influenced me to include discussions around sleep into my professional work more.

Who is this book for?

This is a book for everyone. It is well written and engaging while being highly informative. This book may change the way you engage with sleep and how you prioritise it.

How to get the most from Online Counselling

Online counselling has come into its own in the last few years, with more of us our now engaging with therapy online, how can you get the most from these method of counselling?

Below are some of the things to consider that can help improve our experience of online counselling.

Space

Ideally be in a space that is private and comfortable and free from interruption. Somewhere that you feel you can be yourself and you feel able to open up. You may want to consider letting others know you won’t be available and attending to other potential distractions such as pets.

Time

Give yourself enough time to prepare for the session and readjust after the session. One aspect that many of my clients missed about moving online from in person as the journey time as they would use this time to reflect upon what they wanted to bring to the session before hand and then reflected on the session itself afterwards. This can be recreated for online counselling by taking a short walk before and after the session.

Internet

Having an internet connection of some sort is essential for online counselling. Check your internet before hand and close down any other apps and browsers you may be using. If you find that your connection is unstable. ask others who may be using the same connection to refrain from bandwidth intensive tasks such as streaming HD video content.

Device

Most modern computers and phones are more than capable of running video conferencing software such as Zoom. If you find your device struggling, shut down any there programs that may be running in the background such as browsers and updates.

A large screen is beneficial to online counselling as you are better able to see the person you are talking to. Ideally they should appear to be a similar size to in person.

Placement of the screen and camera are also important. You want to be looking straight ahead with the camera straight on. This is much more conversational that having to peer downwards and having the camera looking your nose. If you are using a laptop or phone this may mean placing it on a pile of books to raise it up.

Give yourself time before the session to check that the device is on, working and charged/plugged in.

Software

The video Conferencing software I use is Zoom. This is one of the ones recommended by the BACP (The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy) as it is secure and private. It is also very stable and doesn’t require a lot of bandwidth to run. if you are not already familiar with Zoom it is a good idea to download it, set up an account (a basic account is free and all that you need) and get used to how it works.

One invaluable feature of Zoom is the ability to hide self view. That is hiding the little window that shows yourself on the screen. Hiding this view of yourself makings it much easier to engage and remain engaged. It is also much less distracting and much less fatiguing. For me this is one of the best things you can to to improve online counselling and video conferencing in general. Removing this self view makes it feel far less artificial, to the point that you can forget that you're using technology and just be present in the conversation.

Sound

Being able to hear and being heard are vitally important for any form of counselling. If you are using headphones or earphones, especially bluetooth ones, take the time before the session to make sure they are charged, connected and working.

Lighting

Being seen clearing is very beneficial to the counselling experience. Try to ensure you are well lit with lights in front of you. Try to avoid bright light behind as this will put your face in shadow.

Back Up Plan

Technology is great when it works, but sometimes through no fault of our own things can go wrong. When this happens it is good to have a backup plan. I personally have a good internet connection but if this does go down I then have a hotspot back up and if all else fails we can resort to a phone call until we can get things working again.

Conclusion

These are just some of the considerations to help get the most from Online Counselling. They may not all be available to you all the time and that is okay. The great thing about online counselling is it can be accessed from anywhere with just a phone. Don’t worry if you can’t do all the things listed above. The good news is this is only going to improve as our internet gets faster, as webcams and screens get better and who knows what the next stage in remote conferencing will be.

Online Counselling versus In-Person Counselling

Is online counselling as good as in-person counselling?

Firstly what is Online Counselling?

This is confusing as online counselling can refer to counselling via video conferencing software such as Zoom, Teams and Skype but has also been used to mean counselling via email and counselling via text.

In this article online counselling means counselling via video conferencing software.

In 2020 a lot of therapy was moved online as the global pandemic meant many of us were in lockdowns and unable to meet in person. This unlocked online counselling for many counsellors and clients alike.

Before 2020 online counselling was often seen as a lesser cousin of in-person counselling. It was sometimes frowned upon by older counsellors as not proper counselling, not as effective and not as valid. But is this true?

It is true that the two forms of counselling are different and have some different considerations, but is it true that online counselling is less effective?

Fortunately a lot of research has been done in this area that helps answer this question.

Here is what some of the research says -

Online Counselling improves access to those who may find it difficult to attend in person. This includes those with physical difficulties, those with long distances to travel and those who feel unable to leave their home due to extreme anxiety or depression (Mishna et al., 2015)

Clients have shown that they are equally satisfied with online counselling as they are with in-person as a systematic review (14 studies identified) comparing treatment satisfaction of in person-versus phone/video therapy shows. (Jenkins-Guarnieriet al., 2015). Clients also rated the quality of the relationship with their counsellor as being as positive with online counselling as it is in person. (Berger, 2016; Reese et al., 2016; Shepler at al., 2016)

Studies have also shown that online counselling is equal as effective as in-person counselling. With one stating “There was no different in outcome of counselling as both therapy types were equally effective.” (Norwood, Moghaddam, Malins and Sabin‐Farrell, 2018)

In conclusion many studies show that not only is online counselling as valid as other ways of delivering therapy but also it can increase access to therapy and clients find it as easy to form relationships with their therapists.

My own, nearly three year, experience of providing and receiving counselling online led me to believe that it works just as well, and my client feedback suggests the same, but it is important to qualify this with research. As one paper said online counselling is here to stay so hopefully we will see more research in this area and less reticence to embrace new approaches.

If you would like to find out more about how online counselling could benefit you then please get in touch.

Self Isolating & Maintaining Mental Health

How can we maintain our mental health if we have to self isolate for an extended period of time?

Here are some ideas to help. These are suggestions for those feeling healthy and who are not showing symptoms, you must do what feels right for you and follow NHS and Government advice.

Routine

Maintain a regular routine as best you can. Write out a schedule for the day that breaks up the day between tasks and pleasurable activities. Avoid the temptation to stay up late and then sleep in in the morning as this will cause your body clock to drift over time and you may find it harder to get to sleep at a regular time and before you know it you are nocturnal. Opening blinds and curtains to let in as much natural light as possible will not only help you feel better but will also help regulate your body clock.  A regular routine can help maintain mental health by creating a sense of stability and normality.

Keeping Up Appearances 

Shower and wash as usual and dress as if you were going out. This is similar to maintaining a routine. It helps us to feel better and ready to face the day.  It also allows us to feel like we are taking care of ourselves, and helps us prepare for anything we may need or want to achieve. 

Also keep your living space neat and tidy. This not only gives us something to do, but we often feel much more relaxed when the space around us is organised and clean. 

What to do with Your day?

If you are able to work from home, great, continue doing this.

If you are not able to work from home you may find yourself with a lot more free time than usual and you will need to find a things to do to fill this time.

Activities that help our mood can be broken into different categories, such as Active or Passive, and Pleasurable/Fun or Mastery, Achievement.

Active in this case means things that require us to do something, such as writing, reading, exercising, cooking, cleaning and playing games.

Passive means things that don’t require our input, such as watching movies and  listening to music.

Pleasurable/Fun are simply things we enjoy doing.

Mastery includes things that improve our knowledge and skills and can include reading, studying, creating art etc.

Achievement is similar to Mastery but also includes things that may not necessarily improve our skills, such as washing the dishes and vacuuming the floor.

Of course some things will fall into more than one of these categories and will be unique to each individual.

It is a good idea to have a balance of different things throughout the day. Avoid only doing Passive/Pleasurable things. It may be easy to just stream movies and boxsets all day but the problem with this is that through repetition the pleasure diminishes and through passivity we can become demotivated.

Add some Active, Mastery and achievement tasks to your daily routine, try to have more of these than passive items and save these passive items for later in the day.

We are fortunate that we live in an age of unlimited online resources. There are many online learning platforms and apps; you could take up a course in something you are interested in or perhaps learn a new language.

The main idea is to break up your day into different things.

For example, if I find I have to isolate I will learn to type. I do a lot of writing (such as this very article) and learning to touch type would be very useful for me. I will do this for an hour or two a day. 

Exercise

Exercise is incredibly important in maintaining mental health.

If you can go outdoors (please follow Government/NHS advice), take a walk once a day, if there is a park or nature nearby stroll there as experiencing nature has a calming effect and helps ground us.

Indoors create an exercise routine for yourself. There are numerous yoga and fitness videos online that can be used without the need for special equipment.  

Make exercise part of your daily routine.

Isolation and Loneliness 

Being isolated can make us feel, well… isolated and lonely.

Reach out to friends and family and arrange a regular time to call by phone or video chat. Actually call rather than just text. Texting is great but actually calling helps us to better connect and feel more in touch with each other.

Reach out to others. If you know anyone that is alone, especially the elderly, reach out to them and offer to call them once a day or every few days.

One thing that can help is listening to the radio or watching a live broadcast. As these things are happening live we gain a subtle sense of a shared experience which helps us feel more connected. 

Another way to have shared experiences is to co-ordinate with friends or family to watch a movie or a show together, so that even though you may be physically apart you can still enjoy the experience together.

Anxiety and other overwhelming emotions

This is a situation that can obviously provoke a great deal of anxiety and other emotions that can make us feel overwhelmed. 

Try to limit Social Media time. Social media can be great at connecting us but can also be a source of too much information. As humans we crave information especially at times of uncertainty, and we now live in a world of 24/7 news cycles and online sources and we can find ourselves feeding our anxiety with more and more information. To manage this, be deliberate and limit the amount of time on social media platforms and news outlets and, if you do feel yourself becoming overwhelmed, step away and take a break.

Try to employ some Social Media Hygiene.

Introduce Mindfulness into your daily routine. Mindfulness can help bring us back to the moment and ground us. 

Journal. Write a journal/diary of how you are feeling and what’s going on your you. This helps by allowing you to express your feelings and give them an outlet, in a completely private manner. 

Listen to music. Some studies have shown that listening to music can really have a beneficial effect on our mood. Positive music can lift and motivate us.  Sad music can help us express difficult emotions in a contained manner for the duration of the song or album and can help normalise how we are feeling by connecting to the artist.

These are just a few ideas that you can employ if you find yourself having to isolate.  Most importantly heed Government and NHS advice and do what is right for you.

If you feel Counselling would be helpful for you at this time please get in touch to discuss this.

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Social Media Hygiene in a Crisis

Social Media Hygiene is important and any time, but especially of in a time of crisis.

What do I mean by Social Media Hygiene? 

I mean taking a deliberate and considered approach to how you interact with social media, so that you can get the best out of it while avoiding some of it’s less helpful aspects. 

Social Media is an amazing thing. It helps us connect with others, keep up to date with family and friends and helps us reconnect with old acquaintances.

Unfortunately there is another side to social media.

While it helps us keep informed, the sheer about of information available can be overwhelming and a lot of that information is option, unverified and conflicting. Conflicting information can be very difficult for us to process, and be very confusing. One source is saying this while another is saying the opposite and friends and family are expressing their, sometimes differing, views and opinions. This is especially difficult in a time of crisis where the correct information becomes even more important.

Managing Social Media

Time

Limit the amount of time you spend on social media platforms. Be deliberate and decide how much time you are going to spend there and stick to it. Many devices and apps now have features to help mange screen time and limit the use of some apps, this can help us mange the time we spend on them.

Information

There is a lot of information on social media and unfortunately not of if it is helpful or even true.

Pick trusted news sources to get your information from, this is especially important for medical advice. Only take medical advice from Medical Professionals. Here in the UK the NHS is a good source for medical information. 

Fact versus Opinion

Facts are things that are objective true. Opinions are someones subjective feelings on a subject.

Try to discern the difference between Facts and opinions. Ask your self is this just someone’s opinion or is it a fact. Where is this information coming from? If its a friend, where did they get their information from?

Facts have sources for where the information comes from, opinions don’t. 

Here’s an example- Radiohead is the best band in the world! (Opinion)

Radiohead is a band formed in Oxfordshire in 1985 (Fact, source wikipedia)

An issue can be that opinions create an emotional response. Some of you will agree with the above opinion some of you won’t. This emotional response makes us more engaged in options whereas facts can leave us cold. Try to remember this as you scroll through social media and check sources before acting on information.

Filter

It can be a good idea to filter the information you receive, by muting, unfollowing and unfriending sources that are unreliable, purely option and that make you feel overwhelmed and anxious. 

Posting

Remember that when you post anything on social media you are publishing it to a wide group of people and possibly the world. Publishing laws can apply.

Ask yourself why you are posting? Is it your opinion? If so make that clear. Is it a fact? If so state your sources. Is it offensive or harmful to others? Is it helpful?

Take a moment to consider thees things before you post.

Step Away

If you do find yourself becoming overwhelmed, confused or anxious while using social media, remember you can step away, close the app and do something else. It is ok to disengage from social media, if it is causing distress. It is your choice. 

Social Media is a tool. It is neither good not bad. It is up to you how you use it.

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Gratitude Diary

A Gratitude diary is a simple positive psychology exercise we can all do to help improve and maintain our mental health and to encourage a more positive outlook.

As humans we are often drawn towards the negative. This is natural for survival, we need to be aware of any potential dangers and react or prepare accordingly, but in the modern world with 24/7 news cycles and worldwide instant information we are surrounded by negative information.

This can lead to a very negative world view.

This exercise helps us to remember the world is also full of positive moments and actions. There is good news out there too.

How to do a Gratitude Diary…

Carry a small note book or diary with you and each day write down three moments during the day that you are grateful for.

Write down - I am grateful for …

These can be simple small things.

Here are some examples from my own diary-

Sunday

I am grateful for breakfast with a friend, for him sharing his time with me.

I am grateful for the bright sunlight on this cold winters day.

I am grateful for the music of that band helping lose myself in the music.

Monday

I am grateful for the strong water pressure in the shower.

I am grateful for the cool breeze after the stuffy tube ride.

I am grateful for the bus driver waiting for me as I rushed to catch the bus.

Tuesday

I am grateful for the smile from a stranger as I walked past.

I am grateful for delicious meal I got to enjoy.

I am grateful for the shop assistant helping me find that item I was struggling to locate.

You get the idea.

Writing these moments down in your diary is key to the effectiveness of this exercise.

According to Psychologist Rick Hanson negative stimuli form into memory extremely quickly while positive stimuli can take a dozen or more seconds to transfer into long term memory.

Therefore the act of writing down these moments and events that we are grateful for makes us concentrate on them for long enough to form long term memories.

Positive Effects

Being grateful can also help us form stronger bonds with others. If we acknowledge our gratitude for what someone else has done for us, then we are more likely to want to reciprocate, and therefore becoming more connected to others in a positive manner.

Taking the time to to contemplate and concentrate on these moments of gratitude also makes us more aware of our world, our place in it and how we experience the world.

Another effect that I and clients of mine that have tried this exercise have noticed is that after doing a gratitude diary for a while we began to notice more and more positive instances that we were grateful for. It became easier to find the positive moments with the fog of negative experiences. 

Try it for yourself and let me know how you get on.

If you find that you are feeling very negative and are only focusing on your negative experiences counselling can help you to understand what is going on for your and to help you work with this and gain perspective. Get in touch now to find out how Counselling for negative thoughts can help you.

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New Year, New Beginnings

The beginning of a new year is often a time of reflection, of assessment, of looking back over the last 12 months. Looking at what we achieved or not achieved, of the goals we’ve set ourselves and completed, as well of those we are still working on, or ones that we have abandoned. We look at the relationships that have blossomed or withered and those that we have maintained. We contemplate the major events that have occurred during the year, from births, deaths, and marriages, to moving areas, changing jobs. Some of the things we reflected upon may be huge shifts and changes, while others smaller yet significant.

Time pass constantly and markers in this passage such as a new year offer us this time to reflect.

As everyone experiences the New Year there is a sense of a collective assessment. This can be seen in the Best of/Worst of lists for books, films, and music to name a few as well as noticing social and cultural shifts that have occurred. Many people make New Years resolutions, a list of changes they wish to make, of goals they want to strive towards. Some collectively such as Dry January and Veganuary, others more personal. 

A New Year is often seen as a change of a new beginning, a fresh start. While we can not erase the past, we can learn from it and move on from it.

What have you been reflecting on? What changes do you want to make? What do you want to be different and what to you want to stay the same?

Taking a moments pause to reflect and contemplate can really help us to figure out what it is we really need or want from our life ahead. We can learn a lot from looking back and seeing where we’ve come from. But sometimes this can be difficult and confusing.The past might be hard to let go off and we may not know what it is that we want from the future. Counselling can help you work through this and help you understand yourself a little better. 

What ever your goals, plans or wants for the new year therapy can help you with self discovery and development. 

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Seven Christmas Problems

Christmas can be a wonderful time of year with lots of Celebration, joy. partying and coming together of friends and family. Unfortunately it can be a very difficult time for many people for a whole host of reasons. Here are just some of the reasons some people can find Christmas very hard to cope with.

Social Anxiety

If you suffer from social anxiety the idea of work parties can be very daunting. These can be hard to avoid as everyone else in the work place seems to be going and facing the questions as to why you are not going can be anxiety inducing in themselves.

Social Anxiety can be crippling, thoughts of what will I wear, what will I say to people, what will people think of me, can fill your head and take away any enjoyment from the experience. This can be exacerbated by Christmas work parties as there is in implicit obligation to attend and even when the party is over you have to face everyone the next day at work. This can lead to more thoughts of being scrutinised or questioned afterwards as well.

If you suffer from Social Anxiety counselling can really help you face these difficulties and work through them so you can enjoy these events or at the very least endure them without to much difficulty.

Alcoholism

Whether you are an Alcoholic or struggle with problem drinking this time of year can be especially difficult as alcohol seems to be everywhere for Christmas work parties to family get togethers.

You may have your drinking under control but these situations can put added pressure on you as everyone else seems to be drinking and often encouraging each other and you to drink more than normally. 

If you are struggling with your drinking remember it is ok to say no. If you feel the temptation at parties is going to be too great, it is ok not to attend. This is better for you in the long run.

It is also ok to ask for help. If you are going to a situation you think you might struggle with you might ask a close friend to support you. 

Help can also be found here at Alcoholics Anonymous 

Counselling can also help you explore your need for alcohol and what you can do to help yourself avoid it.

If you don’t have an issue with alcohol remember others might. If you’re at a party and someone says they want a soft drink, except their decision and support them. They can have many reason for not having a drink. They may be driving, have health reasons, have an issue with alcohol or just not want to have a drink. The reason is personal to them and they don’t need to explain it.

If someone has clearly had too much to drink look after them, get them water, help them make sure the get home safe and don’t be tempted to ply them with more. This can be very dangerous on multiple levels.

Loneliness

Many people in the UK suffer from Loneliness and this seems to be growing. A sense of isolation from other people and reduced human interaction, with some people not talking to another human being for days even weeks sometimes.

Loneliness is especially difficult around Christmas. A time when people are meant to come together and celebrate. If you are alone this time of year can make you feel even more alone, everyone else appears to be going to parties, heading around the country to see friends and family highlighting how isolated you feel. You are not alone in this feeling, many others feel the same way and counselling can help you work through these feelings and support you in combatting your isolation.

Eating Disorders 

Christmas is seen as time for food. The table buckling under the weight of the Christmas dinner and all the trimmings. If you have an issue with food this can be an especially daunting time of year. Having to eat with others may be hard. Everyone eating more than usual and an expectation for you to indulge as well. You don’t have to eat more than you are comfortable with and I understand how difficult this can be. Counselling can help support you with these difficulties.

Bereavement 

Losing someone close to you is understandable difficult. Christmas can be a time that really highlights their absence. Everyone getting together expect that loved one who is no longer with us. That empty seat at the table. The passing of time without them. Whether its the first Christmas or the tenth Christmas it reminds us that they are not here. Bereavement can be hard at anytime of year and Christmas time can bring the grief flooding back. Help is available and counselling can help you gain understanding of your loss.

Family Issues

Families can be complicated at the best of times. The Christmas card image of a big happy family celebrating together isn’t always true for everyone. There can be many reasons for families not to get along and some of these can be very deep, painful and have gone on for many years. Having to come together over Christmas because we feel that’s what expected of us can open these wounds and be very difficult to get through. Counselling can help you work through these relationship difficulties.

Financial Problems

Living with financial problems is difficult at the best of times and can really effect our well being. This can be extremely difficult around Christmas with the expectations to attend often expensive Christmas parties, make large lavish meals and buying gifts and presents. It can often be hard to maintain and budget and it can feel like we are being judged on how much we give and spend.

If you are struggling with debt Citizens advice can help

Conclusion

These are just some of the things that can make Christmas difficult for some people and can cause great anxiety. You may not find it difficult but please remember others might. Try and be there for them and offer support if you can. If you are struggling counselling can help, please get in touch.

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How long does Therapy take?

One questions that I am often asked is “How long does therapy take?”

This is an incredibly difficult question to answer, especial before an initial assessment. There are so  many factors to consider when trying to determine the length of therapy.

What do you want from therapy?

One thing that affects the length of therapy is what is wanted for the therapy. Some clients have very clear goals when entering therapy. “I want a better relationship with my partner” “I’m struggling with my grandfathers death”, others can be more broad “I just don’t feel fulfilled and I’m not sure why”, “I find I’m worrying all the time and I want to stop worrying”. The more defined and narrower the focus the shorter the therapy can be. 

Don’t worry if you are unsure about what you want from therapy. This can be discussed during the initial assessment and can be refined through out the therapy.

How long have you been feeling this way?

Another aspect that can affect the length of therapy is how long you have been feeling like something isn’t right. The longer it has been the deeper we may need to explore, and this can take time. Remember it has taken our whole lives to build up our personality, habits, needs, wants and desires. To explore and change theses aspects of ourselves can take time. If it’s something that has happened relatively recently it may be a short amount of time. If it’s something that has built up over your entire life starting in childhood this may take a longer and deeper exploration.

Revelations

During therapy other concerns can be brought to the surface and revealed. For example while exploring your relationship with your partner it may come to light that these issues are rooted in your relationship to your parents and their relationship with each other. This could mean a shift of focus from “wanting a better relationship with my partner” to exploring deeper aspects of your earlier relationship with your partners. At this point a good therapist will ask you if you’d like to change the focus, why this might be a beneficial path to take ( it may be helpful for your original goal as well) and what this would entail, including possibly extending the therapy.

Many revelations can surface during therapy and it is worth considering the effort and time it takes to full explore these.

Trust and the therapeutic relationship

Developing a relationship and building trust takes time. In order to full explore and open up at a deep level, sometimes about uncomfortable thoughts and feelings it takes trust. To gain the most from therapy you have to be able to trust your counsellor with ever aspect of yourself including the darker aspects that can be difficult to admit to, even to yourself. I’ve heard clients say to me on many occasions “There is something I haven’t been telling you” and “I’ve never told anyone this before”. As a counsellor these statements let me know that trust is there in our relationship. How long it takes to get there varies from person to person and what it is that they are not saying or have never said.

So how long does therapy take?

I hope this has helped explained why there is no easy answer to this question, but when you enter into therapy I am more than happy to discuss it and reassess as we go along. 

From experience I notice most of my clients experiences some sort of shift around four to eight sessions where they begin to feel the benefits of the therapy and  understand what they want from the therapy, what they need from the therapy and have a better understanding of how deep they want to go and how long it may take.

I recommend booking 8 - 12 sessions initially as this will give you time to build trust, to get used to talking about yourself and the issues you may have and utilising therapy. It will also allow the time to give you a greater understanding of whether you want more sessions to work at a deeper level and how long this will realistically take.

To find out more please get in touch

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PTSD - The Hound, Game of Thrones

Note- Spoilers for Game of Thrones S08 E03 The Long Night.

Some readers may find some of the following disturbing to read as incidents of abuse are described. Please use your own discretion.

While watching battle for Winterfell I was struck by one of the character reactions. That of the Hound aka Sandor Clegane. During the battle when a trench of fire is lit Sandor freezes and seems unable to move. Is the Sandor suffering PTSD?

What is PTSD?

PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is a mental health condition brought on as a reaction to traumatic experiences. Traumatic experiences that may contribute to PTSD include warfare, abuse including violent, sexual, and psychological abuse, car crashes and natural disasters. In fact a traumatic event is any time we feel in danger. This can be real or perceived danger. 

Some of the symptoms of PTSD are uncontrollable disturbing thoughts, feelings and/or dreams about the traumatic event.

Those with PTSD may also have intrusive memories (sometimes called flashbacks) caused by trauma related cues, often described as triggers, sometimes these may be obvious (such as fireworks and explosions for war veterans), at other times these triggers may be subtle and harder to recognise.

Other symptoms include avoidance. Avoidance of situations, people and places that remind us of the trauma. Avoidance of thinking about and/or talking about the trauma.

Negative thoughts about oneself and self criticism and negative thoughts about others and the world can also be a symptom of PTSD.

This list is by no means exhaustive.

How we react to danger…

As humans we have many responses to dangerous situations developed over time and we may react in different ways to different forms of danger. You may have heard of fight or flight as a reaction to a threatening situation. Theses are often described as the F responses. Here are five F responses-

F responses to danger or threatening situations-

Fight

This response is to fight when we encounter danger. Attack the aggressor(s) or the danger. This fight response can be physical or verbal or even functional, as in attacking a fire to try and put it out. 

Flight/Flee

This means to get away from the danger, to run or flee from the dangerous situation. It is a means to protect ourselves by putting distance between ourselves and the threat in front of us.

Freeze

This reaction is to become incredibly still, to freeze in one spot in the hopes that the danger will pass us by, that any aggressors or threats will with not notice us or become disinterested. This can also occur when a sudden threat appears and we freeze will we recover from the shock and take stock of the situation to figure out how best to react.

Flop

This means to become limp, to play dead, literally flop. Similar to the freeze response this is to hope that the threat becomes disinterested. This like all the responses can be seen in the animal kingdom. Have you ever seen a cat ‘playing’ with a mouse? One response the mouse utilises is to play dead, the cat then gets bored and wonders off. Once the cat is a safe distance away the mouse activates its flight response.

Fawn

This reaction is to try and talk our way out of danger. To please the aggressor and neutralise the threat by fawning over the aggressor so that they like us and no longer see us as a threat and put us in the position of friend rather than foe.

All these reactions are natural responses and are seen across the animal kingdom as well as in humans but can become over used and occur at inappropriate times or situations.

The Hound, Sandor Clegane

In the episode of Game of Thrones we see Sandor react to the fire which activates his freeze response. This is clearly an inappropriate response as he is in the middle of a battle and freezing potentially puts him in more danger. We have seen his freeze response when faced with fire in pervious episodes. This can be traced back to the abuse he received from his older brother when he was a child. One of the ways his brother abused him was to hold his face in a fire scaring Sandor. This incident has traumatised Sandor and he now has a reaction to fire which causes is freeze response to activate.

Seeking help

When to seek help? If you have been in a traumatic event or series of events and are still feeling the effects more than a month later or are feel you are severely suffering or having suicidal thoughts contact your GP as soon as possible.

Counselling

Counselling can offer support for those suffering PTSD and help to work through the trauma and understand what triggers flashbacks and how to cope and minimise these. Counselling can also help in understanding self criticism and self esteem and work towards minimising the inner critic and bolstering self esteem. Counselling can help you to understand why you react in certain ways to certain situations allowing you to take more control over your responses. Counselling also offers a place where you can talk openly and honestly, without judgement, about your experiences.

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Nine signs of Depression

Depression is a serious mental health condition that affects many people at different times in their lives.

Here are some signs that you may be suffering with depression-

Tiredness

Feeling exhausted all the time. Not having the energy to do anything. Staying in bed all day. 

No Joy

Finding that you get no pleasure from things that you usually do. When going to the movies, cooking a meal, or a walking in the park, which used to be pleasurably now feel dull and uninteresting.

Lack of Concentration

Can’t read a book, watch a film or get any work done because you can’t concentrate on the task in front of you.

Avoiding things

The pile of mail lying unopened by the door is growing. The list of missed and unreturned calls on the phone is getting longer.

Lack of self care

Not showering, not shaving, not brushing your teeth. That old stained t-shirt will do. Clothes a mess. Bedroom is a tip. Dust is gathering on every surface. The unwashed dishes in the sink are starting to fester. Eating crap, can’t be bothered preparing a tasty health meal. 

Sleeping

Can’t sleep, lying awake all night or all you can do is sleep, constantly tired.

Eating

No appetite, can’t stomach a thing or eating too much, over eating.

Sadness

Feeling sad. Feeling sad all the time. All day and all night. Constant sadness.

Suicidal thoughts

Thinking about death or suicide. If you are feeling suicidal contact your GP or the emergency services. They can help.

If you are suffering any of these symptoms, especially for extended periods of time (two weeks or more) you can contact your GP. If you feel you are in crisis contact the emergency services or go to A&E. They are there to help.

Counselling for Depression

Depression can be all absorbing, and it can feel like it’s never ending sometimes. It can be hard to remember a time before this mood took over and really difficult to see a future when this mood has lifted. You are not alone, many people suffer with depression everyday. You can feel better and it does get easier. Help is available.

Counselling can help for depression. 

Having someone to talk to and to open up about how you are really feeling can be a great relief. Here at Respire Counselling I use a range of techniques to help you right now in your present day to day life and to explore your emotions at a deeper level to help you build resilience and gain understanding of your feelings. To help you overcome your depression. Get in touch now for counselling for depression

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Five Reasons Counselling Sucks

Time

Counselling takes time. Firstly taking an hour or sometimes more out of your week to go and meet with a counsellor. Finding a time that is suitable for both of you can be difficult. 

Then it takes time to see the benefits of counselling. It can be a slow process. How come I don’t feel amazing after one session? How long is this going to take?

There is no easy answer to how long counselling will take. Think about how long you’ve been alive and how long it’s taken you to build your personality, habits, behaviours and ways of relating to others. It can take time to explore all of these aspects and unpick them and if desired change them. It also depends on what you are bringing to therapy and what you want from therapy. The more you want to explore and uncover the longer it will take. It also takes time to build trust with your therapist, and it takes trust to be able to fully open up and explore the more difficult aspects of ourselves.

In my experience most people notice some change around the 4 to 8 week mark and at this point start seeing some benefits and have a better understanding of what they want to get from counselling and how long it may take.

Work

Having Counselling is work, sometimes hard and difficult work. It takes effort to fully commit to the therapeutic process, to open up and explore difficult emotions and situations. That’s a hard thing to do. Examining our lives and who we are can be very hard, sometimes we might not like what we find and it can take a lot of energy and effort to not shy away from those parts of ourselves. Ultimately the more effort you put in to the counselling process the more you’ll get from it.

Emotions

The therapeutic process is full of emotions. The effort and work put in to counselling can bring up some difficult emotions. Exploring challenging parts of our lives can bring those emotions to the surface. It can be hard to let these emotions surface and resist forcing them back down. 

Who wants to feel sad, scared, anger or anxious? 

Who wants to put themselves through a process where you feel these emotions?

Emotions are often seen as good or bad, positive or negative. We are often told by society and people around us to focus on positive emotions and to suppress negative emotions. Emotions are neither good or bad, they are how we feel. If we ignore or push down our emotions they don’t go away, in fact they can often get worse. By exploring these emotions in therapy we can discover what is making us feel this way, what these emotions are trying to telling us. We can also learn how to express these emotions in a constructive and appropriate manner. Counselling gives you the space to express all of your emotions and feelings in a contained space, allowing you to understand them, work with them and gain from them. 

Breaking down Defences

Ever heard of defence mechanisms. We all have them and most of the time they are useful and help protect us in our day to day lives as we face the world, but sometimes the become too much and over used to the point that they block us from connecting with others and living our lives fully.

Ever heard things like “He hides behind humour”, “She’s in denial”, these might be situations where the defences are too rigid.

Discovering and breaking down our defences is incredibly tough. We’ve built them up over our entire lives. Softening our defences can leave us feeling vulnerable and exposed. That’s a challenging place to be, but if our defences are no longer serving us well then it may need to happen. Counselling exposes these defences and often challenges them. It gives us a space where we can explore our defence and be vulnerable, allowing us to learn what defences we are using and how to use them to help us, not hinder us.

Change

Why Counselling? Often it’s because something isn’t right, something needs to change. Change is difficult. Change can be scary. It’s easier to stick with what we know, to stay in or comfort zones. We’ve built our lives, habits, ways of being over a life time, to change is to lose something. Counselling lets you explore what changes you want to make. To find what’s best for you. To understand why you act in certain ways and feel certain things and how you might want to change these to help you live more fully. It takes time and honesty. Honesty with your counsellor and honest with yourself.

Counselling is difficult. It’s hard. It takes effort. Ultimately it’s worth all the difficulty, struggle and dedication. 

Counselling helps build resilience, promotes self awareness and helps you gain understanding of yourself and other.

If you think it’s time to give yourself the time and space to learn about yourself and find out how you can live a fuller life please get in touch.

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'A Year in Therapy' - Thoughts on Counselling from a clients perspective

I am often asked “What is counselling like?”, and my answers often seem inadequate in giving a true sense of what an incredible journey counselling can be. 

Here is a piece written by someone taking that journey. Let’s call her Sarah (all names and places have been changed to protect anonymity and this is reproduced with ‘Sarah’s’ consent). Sarah came to counselling after the death of her father. This was written just before our second to last session, after a year of therapy.

A Year in Therapy

With the fish held firmly in one hand,

Take hold of the spine and pull.

The skeleton will come away 

And the fish will be turned inside out.

*

I don’t really want to go.

Scared, scared of strangers.

Don’t want to be known.

I don’t deserve help. Other people have it worse than me.

But

The Doctor said so. He knows what’s best.

Face said it all, “I have just had a breakdown at work,” the words unsaid, superfluous.

He: “Would you like time off?”

I: “Er.”

(Says The Goblin, “you are using your father’s death as an excuse to doss work. Wicked girl.”)

He: “I am signing you off. And you ought to self-refer for counselling.”

So

Leave it to The Automaton.

Google maps, calculate walking time,

I’m going, even if I pretend otherwise.

January sunshine – my favourite

High Holborn: sharp corners, sharp colours

Chancery Lane: seedy, dirty, bleached bright.

Grays Inn Road: Book Shop (familiar), a shop selling mirrors: some are out on the street.

Ugh, is that what I look like when I am not paying attention?

Miserable git.

Bloomsbury: Regency garden squares, lovely in the January light.

And then

A grand Catholic church, columns and steps.

Cold fingers shake, light a candle, touch base.

Three candles, I decide.

Daddy

Derek

Scott

14:55 sharp, leave the church and present myself

Downstairs and round

Ring the intercom, stare at the floor. Nerves.

You: “You must be Sarah,” and a broad, open smile.

I suppose I must be

Though The Impostor accuses me, “there’s nothing wrong with you, go home.”

The Automaton smiles back and nods.

You: “Wait through there a minute, I’ll come and get you.”

Perch. Observe children’s toys, boxes of tissues, lever arch files.

Tick, tock.

You: “Would you like to come through?”

[No]

I: “Thank you. Where should I sit?”

You: “Just as you like.”

And so it begins.

I am the fish. Innards flipped outwards by your gentle prodding.

You touch something, a thread, a string

And something moves a very long way away.

At first I recoil, unused to feeling fresh air on that memory, that thing, that bit of me.

I am de-boned, seen, known, inside out

Cold.

All roads, it seems, lead to grief. Spread out through the capillaries of my fabric - nothing is unaffected. 

Catharsis is a while in coming: first you have to break my head open.

Like a walnut, unyielding, hardened by unresolved grief and not wishing to be known, all that suppressed emotion.

Get over the guilt – I am allowed to be here. I do need this help.

Get over the block. You: “Do you think I’ll judge you if you speak in monosyllables?”

Get over the fear: If I start crying I will never stop.

Recognise The Impostor, The Goblin, The Automaton. See them.

I wonder what you see.

A person in need of help?

An impostor?

You see everything of course. Compulsively picking my nails, wringing my hands. Tense.

You see when I can’t meet your gaze. Not just away but averted, evasive.

I don’t mean to be.

A month, six weeks, roundabout,

Something eases,

I’m not reticent any more – I look forward to our sessions.

Thursdays, my routine. Drop everything, church, three candles, 14:55 sharp, present self. 

Offer you things to look at, threads to pull. 

You have found my buttons, my triggers.

Now, like lavatory paper kicked down a hallway, everything unspools, uncontrolled.

"Over there," I feel like you're saying, "you know the answer already, maybe look in that direction."

Gentle kick, back out of the door, brain food for my walk home. 

Notebook, don't forget the notebook. Write it down. 

*

I am a tree.

When great-aunt Catherine died 

I endured 

An extreme prune – not pleasant 

But part of the natural order of things. I was still tree-shaped. 

Likewise my old Nan, "happy as a pig in shit sweetheart," she said from what she knew was her death bed. 

When Scott died a large healthy branch was ripped off. Now the place where the branch used to be is scabbed and scarred, and I picked it, didn’t let it heal.

Daddy’s branch is the biggest and heaviest. It fell with a crash and the wound in my trunk is smarting, there he lies next to me, shocking, visible, taunting, still in full leaf but beginning to wilt. 

I will heal. I am still a tree. But that bit will always be delicate, sore, scarred.

What I didn’t realise … when Derek died, it was like 

When Daddy ran over a medlar sapling with the ride-on lawnmower. 

We stood it up, bandaged it with anti-bacterial rooting powder, and it survived, albeit with a somewhat twisted trunk.

Sudden, early, violent deaths … they batter and damage the tree though it survives and is recognisable.

Embrace the twist - you're allowed it. 

I have a well

Daddy has died. That much is apparent, though it still surprises me every day.

Our family is half-decapitated – the absence is almost a presence: is that what a ghost is?

The gap he has left is a huge hole. An abyss.

Don’t fall in.

Instead, build a wall around it, make a wishing well, make a feature of it.

Go to the well, make it a place to be, to contemplate, commune, complain.

Draw from the well. What would Daddy do?

Leave the well sometimes. It’s ok.

*

I'm glad you're a nice person - imagine

What a horrible person could do to an inside-out fish.

In fact, sometimes I'm not sure you're real -

Child-like, stripped down and opened up, I imagine 

That you're like a music teacher:

You exist only in this room, for my benefit, 

Like the people in the telly who come alive when you switch it on. 

Seeing you in Tesco's would blow my little mind.

Remember, also, how I've developed a taste for pain.

Forged by hot teenage tears and tantrums

I took my shame and anger out on myself, "so as not to harm others." Though, of course, I managed that as well.

Now I don't self harm any more, I just get tattoos. 

And drink

And write and draw

And now, I go to counselling. 

Groping for words is painful. 

Good pain. I'll keep it. Use it in the future, when 

You, the teacher, are no longer there reminding me. 

Demonstrably feeling my struggle - reflecting it even. See: it IS real. 

Keep many things. 

Things you've said, instructions you've dispensed, 

"You’re allowed to enjoy your memories."

"You're allowed to be happy."

"That sounds difficult."

"It's ok not to be ok."

"There is no right way." 

Now, as predicted, two weeks to go

Denied the end of the road till now. Can't see it: not there. 

Separation anxiety? 

Or am I better, just don't want to be? 

In any case, it's ok. 

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Grief and Bereavement can be extremely difficult to go through. If you would like to know more about how counselling can help please get in touch.

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Five tips for Anxiety in the moment & Five tips for Anxiety in the long term

Anxiety is something we all go through and anxiety can serve a useful purpose. Anxiety can be worry about future events and situations, known and unknown, real and imagined. It puts us in a state of alertness and readiness. Prepares us to meet these new challenges and situations.

Sometimes anxiety becomes too much and we become stuck and overwhelmed and it becomes unhelpful and in fact debilitating, stopping us doing the things we need to do to live life to the fullest. 

Here are some tips for coping with anxiety.  Five tips for helping with anxiety in the moment and five more for dealing with anxiety longer term.                    

In the moment-

Change of scene

This is simply standing up and moving to a different space.

Have you ever walked into a room and forgotten why you went in there in the first place? This is know as the boundary effect. One of the ways our brains remember things is to use our surroundings as visually cues. By changing room we no longer have those cues and can ‘forget’ why we entered that room in the first place. This can also help with anxiety. When we enter a new space we have to reassess our environment and this can distract the brain and bring us back to the moment. This can also help if there was an item or sensation provoking our anxiety as it changes our immediate surroundings. 

Breathing

When you feel anxious, take a moment and focus on your breathing. Trying to breathe naturally and normally. When we feel anxious our heart rate can speed up and focusing on breathing can help lower our heart rates back to normal. Focusing on our breath also helps to bring us back to the present moment. As anxiety is focusing on the future bring our mind back to the present moment can help reduce the effects of anxiety. 

Stretching

When we are in an anxious state our bodies can tense up. This is to prepare us to either fight or flee. When we are in a situation where fighting or running away are not appropriate responses to the situation we are in some gentle stretches can help return us to a more natural state. By stretching we loosen some of that muscle tension and as our mind takes cues from our body this can help reduce anxiety.

Acknowledging and accepting

Anxiety is a heightened state of readiness, preparing us to act. If we try and fight this response we may increase the physical sensations, such as increased heart rate making the anxiety worse. One way to try and counter act this is simply to acknowledge that you are anxious and, if you know, what is making you anxious. Try to do this without judgement, as if you are curiously noticing what is happening. This can help to give some time before automatic reactions increase the anxiety helping you to be in more control of your reactions. 

Wiggling toes

This may sound a bit silly, but wiggling your toes can really help. If you can, take your shoes off, though this might not be appropriate in some situations. Then, with your shoes on or off, wiggle your toes. Try and notice the sensations you feel when you wiggle your toes. How does it feel?

This helps to ground us and bring us back to the present moment (as mentioned above). It also helps to bring focus to another part of our body, taking the focus away from thoughts of the future.

Five tips for working with anxiety in the longer term-

Exercise

Exercise has been shown to have a positive effect on mental health. Exercise helps with anxiety by firstly putting us in touch with our bodies. It can also help with the physical effects of anxiety such as muscle tension and increased heart rate. If you suffer with anxiety try adding some exercise to your routine. This can be as gentle as a walk in the park. More strenuous exercise also helps bring us into the moment making us concentrate on what’s happing right now. I find indoor climbing very helpful for my mental health. It is fun, strenuous and challenging and while climbing I am so focussed on holding on and making the next move that all other thoughts shrink into the background and its just me, my body and the wall. I find this incredibly helpful as it gives me a break from any rumination. Find an exercise that’s right for you and if you have any physical concerns contact your GP.

Yoga

Yoga helps with anxiety in the same way as stretching and exercise. In the longer term yoga can really help reduce tightness and tension in our bodies. This tension may provoke anxiety as feeling tense can make us think we are tense and become anxious. Helping us to loosen up when we feel any tension.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a form of meditation to help us live more in the moment. It can be incredibly helpful in making us aware of how much we are on automatic pilot. We often react with out thinking. Mindfulness helps to bring the focus back to the hear and now. This can help with anxiety by pulling attention away from rumination’s about the future to simply being in the moment.

Mindfulness can be done via the multiply smart phone apps available that have guided mediations. There are also numerous Mindfulness courses available. I’ve just completed an eight week Mindfulness based stress reduction course (MBSR) and found it enlightening, informative and incredibly helpful. I’ve also introduced clients to mindfulness and we’ve used it in our work together with very positive results.

Here are some guided Mindfulness meditations that can be used to help with anxiety.

Talking

As my Grandmother used to say ‘A problem shared is a problem halved’. Talking to friends and loved ones can help to share the load and normalise your situation. Anxiety can be a burden but not one you have to face alone.

Counselling

While friends and family can be a great support, sometimes we need a space where we can open up with out judgement or advice. Friends tend to try and fix things and offer advice and even though they mean well this can be unhelpful. Counselling offers a space where you can really open up in a completely non-judgemental environment. Counselling can also help you to find the roots of your anxiety, to discover where it comes from. Anxiety is sometimes caused because something isn’t right in your life. Counselling can help you explore what this is and what you want to do. Counselling can really help with anxiety in the long term.

If you are struggling with Anxiety and it is having a detrimental effect on your life please contact your GP or get in touch to find out how Counselling can help you with your Anxiety. 

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Book Review - Love’s Executioner, and Other Tales of Psychotherapy by Irvin D. Yalom

In his 1989 work “Love’s Executioner, and Other Tales of Psychotherapy” Irvin Yalom gives us a glimpse inside the therapy room, inside the therapeutic relationship and inside his technique. Here Yalom shows us the world and the therapy of ten individuals, all with seemingly unique concerns.

The range of his clients primary concerns include, tragic love, terminal cancer, obesity and binge eating, bereavement, loneliness, and depression - to name a few.

What Yalom attempts, and I believes succeeds, to reveal is that while all the clients’ presenting issues are unique, under the surface they are all suffering what he calls ‘existence pain’.

Yalom shows us his model of Existential Psychotherapy. This ‘existence pain’ is the anxiety felt from our endeavours to cope with the harsh facts of life. The ‘givens’ of existence as Yalom puts it.

These ‘givens’ are death, freedom, loneliness and meaninglessness.

The inevitable death of ourselves and everyone we know.

Our freedom to choose our lives and the responsibility that comes with that choosing.

Our loneliness as we can never be truly known.

And the stark fact that it is all ultimately meaningless.

Yalom then goes on to show us in these ten vignettes, how his clients avoid facing these givens and then, through their therapeutic work with him, find personal change and growth by confronting them.

Yalom is an excellent writer and master of his craft. These case studies give a real sense of how he works. His openness and honesty about his feelings towards his clients gives a real sense of his process and help to reveal the true depth and challenges of the work, with many valuable insights.

What could have easily been a dry rendition of clinical work comes across as exciting, vibrant and dynamic. I found myself engrossed in each story and eager to find out what happens next.

Here Yalom manages to both educate and excite the reader. A rare talent. Highly recommended for all.

Who is this book good for?

This book is great for all. It offers an enlivening insight into Psychotherapy.

I first read this as a student and found it inspiring. Highly recommended for Counselling students and practising Counsellors and Psychotherapists. Especially good for anyone with an interest in Existentialism and Existential Psychotherapy. 

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Counselling for Personal Development

Like the old Yellow Pages advert- “We don’t just help with the nasty things in life.”

While counselling is incredibly helpful for Anxiety, Depression, Loss, Relationship difficulties… The list goes on. You don’t have to be struggling to gain from Counselling.

Counselling can help you develop as a human being, assist you in getting more out of life and living more fully. Counselling can aid you in discovering what you truly want from life and to get more from life and living.

Many of us meander through life, taking it as it comes, as if life is happening to us. Doing things because they need doing, because it’s the “right” thing to do. Jobs become a means to an end. Dreams and ambitions fade into the background. Days, weeks, months, years, start to merge into each other.

Then ten, twenty, thirty years fly by and we wake up one day and wonder “What if…?” 

What if… 

We all have our own unique What if’s and it is never too late to explore them. 

It is always valuable to take the time to contemplate and examine our lives. Explore which aspects of our lives make us feel truly alive and which parts feel like dull repetition.

Do you want to live your life on autopilot or do you want to take charge of who you are?

How can counselling help?

Counselling is a great space to explore these ideas. To discover who we are and what drives us. To figure out what is holding us back, in work, our relationships, personal lives. What is stoping us living life fully as we truly want to and what changes and choices we can and wish to make. Counselling can help you form deeper and more meaningful relationships with those around you and help you live more authentically.  

A place without judgements or preconceptions. A place to examine and explore. A place to reflect and grow. A place to wonder. A place to honestly examine those What if’s…

Get in touch now to find out how counselling can help you develop and grow.

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Book Review - Counselling for Toads by Robert de Board

Based on the characters and setting of Kenneth Grahame’s “The Wind in the Willows” we find Toad has fallen into a deep depression. We then follow Toad on his journey through counselling with Heron as his Counsellor.

Heron uses a variety of therapy models, such as Person Centred, Psychodynamic and Existential, to help Toad explore his childhood, his relationships and his way of being. Heron also makes great use of the Transactional Analysis’ ego states of Child, Parent and Adult to help Toad understand why he and others behave in the ways that they do. Providing Toad with some Psychoeducation, as he learns to analyse his own feelings and develop his emotional intelligence. 

Heron explains counselling beautifully and we accompany Toad as he explores his difficult childhood and how that is influencing him in the present, how he has trouble expressing his anger and the guilt that he feels and how he relates to his friends Rat, Mole and Badger.

When Toad reaches the end of his counselling Heron helps Toad review the progress he has made and the work that they have done. Toad then ventures back in to the world anew, ready for his next adventure.

This is a fantastic book. Well written and easy to understand and follow. The counselling process is very eloquently explained from beginning to end and as Toad learns to understand himself and the world around him I could feel his progress and felt genuine empathy with him when the work got hard.

Who is this book good for?

This is an ideal book for those thinking about trying counselling as it will give you some idea of what to expect and what it might be like for you. I can not recommend it enough, thoroughly informative and engaging.  

The Audible version is charmingly narrated by Charles Hunt, who succeeds in bring all the characters to life. 

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Counselling for Anxiety

Anxiety is something that affects everyone at some point. A small level of anxiety or stress is quite normal and can be helpful. It gives us a state of readiness and alertness that can be useful when entering new situations and trying new or challenging things. The difficulty arises when the anxiety or stress becomes overwhelming and stops us from being able to function and live our lives to the fullest.

There are many forms of anxiety such as-

Generalised Anxiety

Worry and tension that’s over exaggerated and can be quite overwhelming even when there doesn’t seem to be a reason for the anxiety.

Social Anxiety

This can be excessive worry, stress or self-consciousness around social situations. This kind of anxiety can be be focused on certain types of social situations, such as meeting new people, speaking in public, or eating in front of others. It can also be a high level of anxiety when in any situation involving other people.

Panic Disorder

Having panic attacks. These panic attacks are characterised by on overwhelming sense of fear or confusion, and can include many physical symptoms such as heart-racing, dizziness, chest pains and difficulty breathing.

We live in a world where we are often asked to be on high alert. 24 hour news cycles bombard us with potential dangers. Living in cities we have to negotiate large crowds and fast moving traffic, constantly having to keep our wits about us. Pressures at work building to a point that it seems never ending. Navigating our social lives, meeting new people feeling we have to present the best of ourselves. This can be exhausting and sometimes we become overwhelmed.

How can counselling help?

Here at Respire Counselling I utilise a range of techniques and methods to help with anxiety and stress.

Mindfulness and Breathing 

Meditation and breathing techniques to help ground you and lessen some of the effects of anxiety. Overtime this can help you live more in the present and lessen the immediacy of the anxiety.

Counselling

We can explore where the anxiety is coming from. What the anxiety is telling you and how best to resolve the anxiety for you. Talking can really help and release some of that pressure we encounter in our lives.

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